The Fear of Living Alone

Written By: D’be-D’be

Pairing: Horatio and Eric


Dear Readers: Although this story is based on the storyline about Horatio and Kyle, I have taken some of the facts out of content to make the story flow better. If I would have put every event as they happened between Horatio, Kyle and Julia in the story, it would have taken away from the real theme of Eric and Horatio. I hope you understand and enjoy this story which will be continued as I tell my point of view what happens in Eric’s life when Horatio is sent to Rio .


Horatio Caine was torn out of his sleep by a terrible nightmare. He was covered with sweat and his heart was pounding a million beats per second. Eric Delko, his partner and Brat, lay sleeping contently beside him, unaware that his Top had just awoken from a terrible nightmare.

The moon shone through the huge window and casted a shadow across the room as Horatio stared up at the ceiling and replayed the dream in his mind. Eric was calling out for him but he couldn’t get to him because his path was being blocked by a blond woman and a boy with red hair that Horatio guessed to be about fifteen or sixteen. The woman looked familiar to Caine but he couldn’t quite come up with a name. He didn’t know the boy at all, although he had a feeling he should have.

He was pulled away from his thoughts by the clearing of a throat beside him. He turned his head to stare into the deep brown eyes of his lover. Delko moved closer to Caine and without having to say a word, he communicated just with his eyes what he wanted. The dream soon forgotten, Caine willingly obliged and soon they were making love. When the two men had been completely satisfied, they drifted back into a deep sleep.

In the morning as Caine was preparing breakfast, the dream drifted back and forth in his mind. It lingered there as he whipped up the eggs and spread butter on the toast. The face of the woman was so clear in his mind and her name on the tip of his tongue. He was just about to remember who she was but once again, Delko unknowingly disrupted the thought process.

“Hey H,” Delko chimed as he came bounding into the kitchen, dressed but still damp from the shower.

Horatio had repeatedly put the emphasis on Eric to fully wipe himself off before dressing but to his annoyance, Delko kept repeating the same pattern every morning. ‘I’ll have to stress my point a little clearer I guess,’ Horatio thought as he accepted a good morning kiss from his partner.

“Eric,” Horatio spoke sternly. “How many times have I stressed that you are not to get dressed unless you have completely dried off?”

“I’m sorry, H, but I was starving and the eggs smelted so good and…….” Delko’s voice faded as he knew his reasons for disobeying his Top were falling on deaf ears.

“Eric,” Horatio sighed. “I’ve tried to be patient with you about this rule, but time and time again you keep doing the same thing. Now I don’t want to have to spank you over a matter such as this, but I’m telling you this is your final warning. The next time you disobey this rule, you’re going over my lap for a strong message of the consequences for not drying yourself off. Is that clear, young man?”

Feeling the sting of Horatio’s hand on his butt more times that he would have liked and not wanting to endure another session over his Top’s knee again, Delko moved in for a hug and whispered softly into Caine’s ear. “I’m sorry, Horatio, and I promise I’ll never break that rule again.”

Horatio chuckled as he embraced his Brat. “Okay, sweetie. Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold while I get ready for work.”

“Yes, Sir,” Eric countered, grabbing a plate from the cupboard and piling on eggs and bacon as he watched Horatio walking out of the kitchen. ‘Mmm,’ Delko thought as he took a bite of toast. ‘I wish I had time to have a piece of that.’ Delko smiled to himself, knowing Horatio would never fail to turn him on.


They weren’t at work long when the call came out that Parole Officer, Andrew Bennett had been murdered. When the CSI team arrived at the scene and began the task of following the evidence, Horatio turned on Bennett’s Blackberry to discover the list of his parolee’s. It translated into a huge list of suspects. One name jumped out from among all the others. Horatio pulled out the file, looking for details. The name Horatio seeks out is one Kyle Harmond, a sixteen year old boy who had violated his parole by drinking and who happened to be Bennett’s last appointment before his body was discovered.

“Frank,” Caine called out to the huge Texan who served as the lead detective on Horatio’s team. “I’m going to give you an address of a Kyle Harmond. Please do me a favour by picking this young man up and taking him down to the station, if you will. Thank you.”

“Right away, Horatio,” Tripp responded as he walked over to his own Brat and partner, Ryan Wolfe. “Ryan,” Frank said. “I’m going to pick up a suspect. I’ll see you later, okay? I want you to behave yourself, do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, Frankie, loud and clear.” Wolfe smiled as he looked up at his 6 foot 5 Top.

Leaving the rest of his team to finish processing the scene, Horatio took Eric back to the lab to begin processing the evidence. They were back about 45 minutes when Tripp returned with a young, red-haired teenager in hand. H watched through the observation window as Eric began to question the boy. He couldn’t take his eyes off him. It was the boy in his dream and it was also the face from a school photo of himself he had in an old photo album that he had taken with him when he left New York for Miami. The name of the woman in his dreams suddenly leapt into his mind. Julia Harmond, the nurse Horatio had met while he was in the hospital recovering from an injury he had sustained while he was undercover in the employment of the New York Police Department. Julia knew Horatio as John Walden and before long the two began a relationship that ended badly. ‘Could it be possible?’ Horatio thought. ‘Could she have gotten pregnant and that is why she ran away?’

Horatio knows he has to verify his belief but before he gets the chance to question Kyle for himself, Eric releases him for lack of evidence. Finding Eric alone in the hall, Horatio walked up to him and asked, “Did you learn anything from the boy, Eric?”

“Not really, H. Nothing that is of help to us right now, but you know something, H?’”

“What’s that, Eric?”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d bet that boy was related to you somehow, because he sure strikes a resemblance.” Eric had no idea how true those words would play in changing his life and relationship with Horatio in the very near future.

Horatio didn’t have to wait long to get the DNA evidence he needed. A call came in that a Mrs. Kathleen Newberry had been kidnapped and the suspect description matched Kyle to a tee. They located Mrs. Newberry by tracking Kyle’s monitoring device that Bennett had used to keep an eye on his parolee. They found Kathleen but no Kyle. The woman was shaken but not hurt and she did her best to explain to Caine the reason she was abducted and her reservations on the motives for the young mans actions. Eric in the meantime, set out to look for the young man but all he found was the ankle bracelet lying underneath a stadium bleacher. There was blood on the strap, leaving Eric to conclude the young man had injured himself trying to get the device off. Seeing the blood, Horatio knew he had found a way to prove if his suspicions about Kyle were justified.

“Eric, go with Frank and try to track down what happened here and where the boy may have gone. I’m going to take this device back to the lab to see if we can learn anything from it.”

“Okay, H. I call you as soon as we find something.”

Back at the lab, Caine handed the bloody strap to DNA expert Valerie Volarice for DNA comparison. She called him with the news in less than an hour.

“Lieutenant,” she stated with a shocked voice. “There is no doubt this boy is your son!”

“Thank you, Ms. Volarice” was all Caine could manage as he took the paper from her hand and walked out of the lab to call Yelina who was now a private investigator. At their meeting, he told his former sister-in-law all about himself and Kyle’s mother, Julia, and asked Yelina to do some digging into Kyle’s background. When Yelina reported back, her news did nothing to sooth Horatio’s growing guilty conscience about his son. Julia left the boy with her mother when she got in trouble with the law and when the mother died, Kyle was put into foster care where he was bounced from one home to another which led him to rebel and turn to petty crime and alcohol for comfort.

“Damn her!” Horatio cursed. “Why didn’t she tell me she was pregnant? I would have done right by the boy.”

“Horatio, you know after years on the force that many young women panic when they discover they are pregnant and doubt the love or commitment of the father. I’m sure it was no different for Julia. Don’t be too harsh on her until you get a chance to speak to her in person, okay?”

“Of course, you’re right, Yelina. But you know it’s different when it’s personal.”

“Are you going to tell Eric you have a son?”

“Not yet; not until I speak to Julia.”

“He has a right to know, Horatio.”

“I know, I know, but I’m not ready to discuss this with him yet. I’m not in the right frame of mind to deal with his emotions or questions at the present. I’ll tell him when the time is right.”

“Don’t wait to long, Horatio, and don’t underestimate Eric’s ability to cope. He’s stronger that you give him credit for. Look at all he’s been through in the past year; his sister murdered, then being shot in the head himself and all that entails.”

“I know you’re right, but I’m not ready yet. I promise I’ll tell him soon.” Horatio embraced her then returned to the office.


The next few days were hectic. The team discovered why Kyle had kidnapped Newberry. He was forced to do so by a prison guard and Kathleen’s husband who had stolen 100,000 dollars from drug dealer and Newberry’s drug partner, Rick Bates. Bates and Newberry set Kyle up but the courts didn’t care and sentenced Kyle to prison for kidnapping. As things went from bad to worse for Kyle, Horatio’s stress level increased and his mood decreased rapidly.

At home, he was moody and snapped at Eric for no reason. When Eric kept asking him why he was getting so involved in this kid’s life, Horatio would brush off his questions with a kiss and ‘I’m sorry, I can’t discuss this with you right now’ reply. Things finally came to a head when the team were called to the murder of a certain millionaire, Bill Winston. When Horatio arrived at the house, he was shocked to discover that Winston’s wife and number one suspect in the murder is Kyle’s mother and Horatio’s ex lover Julia Harmond. She is also shocked and disturbed to see Horatio Caine after all these years.

Horatio took her aside and began to tell her how their son is in deep trouble. He tells her that he is in prison for kidnapping but he is under the protection of convict, Oscar Monahan, from prison inmates but especially from one certain inmate, Joe Lebrock. He then begins to question Julia on how she could abandon their son and worst of all for not letting him know he had a son. Julia is quick to throw Horatio’s past back into his face by declaring that by the time she discovered she was pregnant, a certain ‘John Walden’ was no where to be found and no one could tell her where he had gotten to. So she decided to raise the child on her own but realized she wasn’t strong enough to do it at that time. She also admitted she got involved with the young crowd and a man called Ron Saris. When she finally had her life straighten out and married Bill Winston, it was too late and there was no record of where Kyle was.

While the two are arguing, Delko walked into the room. He knew instantly there was a past history between them just by the way Horatio is holding himself. Delko had learned quickly to read Caine’s body language during the time they had become partners and he knew his life, their lives were about to change.

That night after questioning Horatio one last time and getting the same brush off, Eric began to cry and ran into the bedroom and slammed the door. He grabbed a backpack and began throwing clothes and personal items inside while tears flowed down his face. Horatio entered their bedroom without knocking and his heart began to break as he watched Eric packing. He walked over to the bed and tried to turn Eric around so he could face him, but Eric just brushed him off and continued his packing.

“Eric….Eric baby, please stop and listen to me for a minute, okay?”

“Listen to you? Listen to you? Why? So you can tell me the news that you want me to move out so you can move that woman and her kid in here. I know the signs of being dumped, H. We haven’t been intimate in days and all you do is give me the silent treatment. To make matters worse, you spend all your free time at the prison with that boy or on the phone with that woman. I’m not stupid, you know. I can see what’s going on. It doesn’t matter. I’ve lived alone before and I can live alone again.”

Horatio’s shoulders slumped as he realized what he had been doing to his partner, his love, his Brat. He let himself fall to the bed. He placed his face in his hands and began to cry. He tried to control his emotions but the thought of loosing Eric and the fact that he was to wrapped up in his own troubles to notice how his actions were affected the only person he truly loved, took over his whole thought process.

Eric dropped the bag he had flung over his shoulder. He had never seen Horatio so vulnerable before, not even at Marisole’s funeral. He sat down next to his Top and pulled him into his arms.

When Horatio had finally regained control, he gave Eric a long lingering kiss. After the show of love ceased, Horatio took a hold of Eric’s hand and began to tell his tale.

“Eric, Kyle is my son! Years ago I had an affair with Julia Winston. She was Julia Harmond then and she got pregnant but didn’t tell me. I worked as an undercover narcotics agent back then and by the time my assignment was over and I went back to the hospital to find her, she had resigned and moved away with no forwarding address. It was only when I saw Kyle that I began to realize that I did indeed have a son. I just recently told him as well, because Joe LeBrock had him kidnapped and when I finally found Kyle in the prison basement he also questioned my concern for him. It was then that I told him all about his mother being back and looking for him as well. His life has not been easy, Eric, and I guess although I didn’t know about him, I still felt guilty and responsible for how his life turned out.”

Eric felt a pit in his stomach and he began to shake as he feared the answer to his next question. “Horatio, do you want him back in your life and if you do, where does that leave us?”

“Listen, baby, nothing and I mean nothing is going to change between us. When Kyle gets out from this legal mess he’s found himself in, I am going to ask him to move in with us; not me, Eric, us. I am also going to tell him about you and I being partners and I hope he can accept that. But you don’t have to worry. Although I have come to love my son, Eric, I will not be forced to choose between the two of you. I may love my son but I am deeply and truly and always will be in love with you and you will always be number one to me.”

Delko couldn’t speak because the lump in his throat was so big. As silent tears rolled down his face, all he could do was reach out and cup Horatio’s face in his hands. When he finally found his voice, he told Horatio, “I wish you could have told me about Kyle before this, so I could have shared the burden with you. I’m stronger than you think and I can handle anything you tell me. What I can’t handle is your silence and the way you withdraw and try to take on the whole world by yourself. Horatio, you have to remember we’re more that partners in the bedroom, we’re partners in life. Whatever concerns and affects you, concerns and affects me as well. Although I may have a bullet in my head and still suffer from side affects, I can handle more than you realize. So don’t protect or baby me in the way you did these past days, okay?”

“Eric, I truly and sincerely apologize for what I put you through and I promise from the bottom of my heart, from now on we’re in this together.”

“Good, and now that’s cleared up I only have one more request, or demand. I want to be with you when you tell Kyle about us. I think I have that right, don’t you?”

“Eric,” Horatio hesitated and then remembering his promise, nodded his head in agreement. “Eric, you do have the right to be there and I promise you will be. Finally, I think there is one more thing I have to do that I’ve been neglecting for awhile.”

“What’s that, H?” Delko asked.

“This,” Horatio murmured with a smile as he began to undress his lover.

“Oh yeah, bring it on, Horatio, bring it on,” Eric commented as he allowed Horatio to strip him and push him down on the bed.

The End.